Heavy Hearts

My heart hurts that I even have to write this post. I want to be honest here on our blog, for a couple of reasons. First, so that we don't have to answer the same hard questions over and over again. Second, because I know that sometimes when I've been going through something hard our world of social media can make it look like everyone else's lives are perfect, and that simply isn't the case. I hope that what I write today can help someone else in some way. Also, as hard as it is to express what has occurred in our lives the last few days, experience has taught me that while I fear criticism and judgment, those we love most will return to us comfort, love and support.

Our medical school journey has prematurely ended. After completing the first two years of medical school Ross requires students to pass a difficult exam in order to sit for boards and continue on. We got word on Thursday night that Ben did not pass the exam and we have really no choice but to find another path now. Ben did all he could to study and we all fasted and prayed, along with many loved ones. It simply didn't work out.

Right now it's hard to not ask the question "why?" Why did we have so much help in getting to this point? Why did he pass every semester that could have easily gone the other way only to have it end now? All the pain and heartache we've been through in the last few years feels as though it has been for nothing. And yet, we still have our faith. We don't understand it now, but I have faith that someday we will. Someday, when the wound isn't so fresh, we will be able to look back on this trial and see good that came from it. We'll be able to appreciate the life lessons we've learned and hopefully, with the perspective of the future, see that everything turned out okay anyway. But from where I sit now my heart is hurting and tears are falling.

We know that we are blessed, blessed to have supportive friends and family, to have two beautiful healthy children and to have each other. We are blessed to have a place to live while we figure out where we are going next in life. We are blessed to have the gospel and the power of prayer. If I could, I'd like to ask for your prayers in the coming days and weeks as we try to move on with our life and figure out what to do next. I know that good can come from trials, though it is so hard to see that in the midst of the fire. So now we begin a new chapter of life, one that we are hopeful will be the right thing for us.